For a man there are two ways to approach getting laid: logic or emotion. With logic, men work on obtaining cars, money, clothes, or anything that is expensive. They focus on the shallower, more superficial things that they themselves use to rate women. Sometimes it works but usually it doesn’t because they are trying to attract women with items that a lot of other guys have. A shiny object may get attention for a minute, but it rarely builds real desire.

Approaching the problem with emotion—jealousy, drama, unbridled rage—will do more to get a girl’s attention than Italian shoes. Even women don’t realize this. If you ask one what she likes in a man, she is ten times more likely to say nice shoes than a guy who she sees enjoying a conversation with a girl more attractive than herself. That kind of energy gets noticed fast. The reaction matters more than the item itself. It is less about polish and more about the feeling you create.

When it comes to things like business or engineering, a man’s gut instinct is usually the correct one. But with women, it’s always wrong. Men need to develop a second instinct that hits a woman’s illogical and primitive buttons. A lucky few learned this somewhere along the line, and they know how to get a reaction. A man who keeps using the same logic in every situation will keep missing the mark. You need a different playbook when attraction is involved.

That lesson creates a lopsidedness where 20% of the guys are banging 80% of the girls. The others simply don’t care to learn. Every time a girl I like sees me engaged in conversation with a beautiful girl, she is much more receptive to me afterwards. In the end, cheap psychology often beats expensive polish. The men who understand that advantage stay ahead. The ones who do not keep wondering why it never works for them.